Our social lives play a key factor in determining whether or not we will be successful in our fitness goals. The company we keep has great influence over every lifestyle decision we make, but even more so when it comes to shared behavior such as food and activity norms. Your co-workers, family members, business partners, and friends can make or break your intentions to look and feel your best.
Here are some tips for keeping your cool when those around you make healthy decisions hard.
Be vocal about your goals. In general people want to be supportive in helping their friends. Often when people appear not to be supportive, they are covering up for their own insecurities or justifying habits they know they ought to fix themselves. If you frame your habits (getting up early to work out, choosing to forego cheesecake at the business luncheon, etc.) as personal goals that you need your friends’ help with, it turns the tables so that they feel needed rather than alienated. It also (nicely) gets them off your back for putting down your healthy but less-fun decisions.
Don’t make others feel bad. People don’t want to be made to feel like someone else is better than them. And quite frankly, if you are making good choices for yourself, that may automatically feel like a threat to others–even if you don’t do it in a spirit of superiority. So in the moment, don’t make a big deal about munching on baby carrots while your colleague is throwing down a jumbo-sized bag of Doritos. Chances are they already feel a little defensive anyway.
But don’t feel you need to put yourself down either to make them feel better about themselves. Saying things like “I’ve got so much weight to lose, I have to be good,” only feeds the guilt cycle, which doesn’t help anyone. You shouldn’t have to justify your good decisions, but have some gracious lines at the ready. At a recent business networking event I attended, a popcorn shop sales rep got offended when I turned down her offer for a free sample. I simply smiled sweetly and said, “I love popcorn! That looks wonderful, but I’m a personal trainer and am saving up my calories for Mexican food this weekend with my family.”
Suggest good choices. No need to be pushy, but take advantage of the times that the ball is in your court. How often do we look at one another and say, “What would you like to do?” only to hear, “I don’t know, what would you like to do?” So if that question is asked of you, speak up! Suggest a yoga class for girls’ night out for a change instead of the standard drinks-after-work, or offer a couple restaurants for that business lunch where you know you can find something healthy. (There are plenty! Pita Jungle, True Foods, Seasons 52, Daily Dose, PF Chang’s, even Cheesecake Factory all have light options if you research ahead of time.) No one will think you’re being difficult if you suggest it first.
Pick your battles. Use some social common sense. If Grandma spent all weekend preparing her famous homemade scones, have a small bite and go overboard with the compliments. Gauge the level of comfort in the relationship and what impact being the “odd one out” will or won’t have.
As a high-level business executive, my husband faces the dual-challenge of being a vegetarian and also a very clean eater amongst a sea of “boys’ club” businessmen. Seeing as they view their steaks and fried appetizers as a camaraderie-building symbol of their success, he learns to be very careful and show discretion. In these instances he researches the restaurant ahead of time, downplays his choice to order a salad or something light: “I can’t believe I’m turning this down, guys, but I am still full from a big breakfast,” and every great once in awhile just eats a few bites of the darn appetizer his business client has been raving about for the past fifteen minutes.
Be comfortable going it alone. Sometimes no matter how gracious you are, making healthy choices will just feel lonely. You’re choosing to work harder and make more sacrifices than others, knowing that feeling fit and powerful will give greater satisfaction than those doughnuts in the break room. And while you can’t control everyone in your circle, such as co-workers and business clients, do evaluate who you’re choosing to spend time with if your friends are constantly putting down your choices and values. Find some friends or a trainer who shares your goals, then be bold and proud when making unpopular decisions. Who knows–your courage may end up being a much-needed example and inspiration for someone else!
